family issues-problematic father

Discussion in 'Members Lounge' started by Edgar Tay, 31 January 2016.

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  1. Edgar Tay
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    Edgar Tay Registered Member

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    Good morning Dhamma bros and sis

    My parents have on and off argue and fought verbally for a very long time due to many issues. Most are minor and stupid but I feel that my mum almost cannot take it anymore.

    I really wish to suggest that my dad moves out and rent a room on his own, it's the best way for our family. Since he is still working and my sibling and I are also giving him some allowances, very little to be honest. We can always give him more in order for him to pay of his rent and daily necessities. And also money to spend for leisure/snacks/beer.

    I'm asking for suggestions on what we should do. I don't care about all those chinese confuzian filial piety sh**. Don't suggest we talk it out, it won't help, it won't get into his thick skull - he is forever right in everything.
     
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  2. SIFVION
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    SIFVION Moderator

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    I am just worry about your father's feeling, imagine chase out my his own children. No comment or solution as the details we don't make and very hard for outsider to meddle with family issues. May Buddha bless you with wisdom to solve this issue.
     
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  3. TheAvengers
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    TheAvengers Registered Member

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    You ask.. people will only say blood and thicker than water and what not

    You know your situation best..do the right thing, not the easy thing. Think of what is the right thing to do and do it. Jiayou.

    Sent from behind you using Tapatalk
     
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  4. sleepyhead
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    sleepyhead Registered Member

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    Good for you that u dont care about the Chinese nonsense sh*** talk. The last thing is you dont want to fight it out. No point in doing so and make it worst. Its good if you and your sibling can talk to him and discuss this first, and dont get your mother involve.
     
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  5. Valen
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    Valen Registered Member

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    Sometimes you have to be that person to really know what is really going on... There is only one person who can do that, its your mother, let her decide...
     
  6. Edgar Tay
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    Edgar Tay Registered Member

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    I told my mum my idea. Kena scolded instead. She sternly warned me and my bro never ever to harbour such thoughts.

    Hope this time it's just another small drama and it'll be over soon.
     
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  7. jag
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    jag Registered Member

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    Ur mom is right! Chinese saying bed head quarrel ,bed end forgive n forget...ur parents must have through tough times n happy times together for decades, if they don't love one another i don't think they will be together today n also having u and ur siblings.....best to leave them alone or try bring them together......do u know it's a very big sin to break couples apart, that goes for ur parent....maybe what u can do is pray more for them...
     
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  8. sleepyhead
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    sleepyhead Registered Member

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    There's no sin in breaking couples apart. That's Chinese hogwash. There's alot of domestic violence, whereby the man beat the shit out of the wife, and abuse the kids. India has this traditional thinking, man and women have to stay together. Alot of women got killed this way.
    China today, alot of couples get married and break out and divorce too. China is also giving up all these traditional nonsense. If the issue is too extreme, and after couple counselling doesnt work. Then no need to drag it on. Cut and go.

    No 5, 8 , 10 precepts talks about breaking out couples or telling people not to divorce.
    Dont mix up Buddhism with Chinese Traditional talking Confucius.
    Confucius is a worldy saint, thats what they call him. He's WORLDLY, his talks are for worldly people.
    Buddhism is about Nirvana. Giving up family, children and go against what normal society do.

    Sakyamuni rebelled against his whole family, left the wife and kids, run away in the middle of the night. Left society, TRADITIONAL Society, customs, and culture. Live like a beggar.
    A Society similar to Old China, get married, have kids, follow what your parents tell you to do.

    Live like a beggar, get clothes from the rubbish, live in the forests, walk around with no shoes, eat once a day. That's Sakyamuni buddhism, Confucious talks about riding horses, shooting arrows, live life as a productive member of society. Confucious's teachings, FOOD AND SEX IS NATURAL.

    Sakyamuni teaches you NO SEX. NO F*******, no M******tion.

    Dont mix it up. Alot of ppl mix it all up and come out with their own thinking without following sutras nor teachings.
    Im sure every men in Singapore is OK and will go have sex with prostitutes after being married. Thats SG men's thinking, becuz it's ok. Some will go have sex with maids, fellow workers in office or even have sex with married women.
    In 5 precepts, precept no 3. It's very very wrong. It's a very bad thing. It leads straight to hell after death.
    No where in 5 precepts, mentions breaking up married couple is a sin or will go to hell.

    Dont make up own theory and thinking. It doesnt work that way. LOL, Im glad Im not married nor ever married.
     
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  9. jag
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    jag Registered Member

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    U crazy hah! For I've never bring religion into this family matters n it's my perspective not to break couples apart....this is a forum, u have ur POV so have i....
     
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  10. 9th
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    I think this emotional inferioritee's language smell and the colour selection suck in painting his/her view.
     
    Last edited: 31 January 2016
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  11. Valen
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    Valen Registered Member

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    If Confucius is alive, he will reply in black....
     
  12. sleepyhead
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    sleepyhead Registered Member

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    Your last sentence states it a very big sin.
    Im not saying you are wrong. It's chinese traditional thinking to stay together. Nothing wrong.
    It's another to mix Buddhism and Confucius together.


    Old school is a long time ago. Now new generation Chinese all is common, divorce cases and remarrying is China is common. Singapore has alot of SG men get the girls from remarrying to Singapore. Not a big deal.
     
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  13. jag
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    jag Registered Member

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    Well, as a buddhist's perspective intention means building karma, so I'm not wrong in my perspective to said it's a sin and again as i said my own perspective which u don't have to agree upon...
     
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  14. TheAvengers
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    TheAvengers Registered Member

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    Wth.. ts family problem become another bickering ground for petty people.

    Bring your quarrels elsewhere. Help ts if you want.. if not buzz off. I can uds the feeling of having serious family problem. He probably has no mood to read all your theoretical b.s.

    Sent from behind you using Tapatalk
     
  15. jag
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    jag Registered Member

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    Am i not helping ts already?
     
  16. dusty2103
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    dusty2103 Registered Member

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    百善孝为先,i ought to refrain from calling you a dick, but I couldn't. You wouldn't be here for your dad. Don't be an ingrate, we can choose our friends or spouse but not our parents.
     
  17. fazhu
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    fazhu Registered Member

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    In my opinion be tolerate to both your parents. Don't find a short cut out and do you duties without backing.

    You imagine when you are young and naughty and will your parents discussed how to get rid of you?

    Nothing is perfect and you must live through your karma. People fight and argue as with mind we keep changing. End of the day it is the choice your parents taken and I believe inside they have love even though sometimes they have other problems and emotions to cloud their feelings.
     
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  18. sanyo
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    sanyo Registered Member

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    Hi TS, pls listen to the first few minutes of the talk if you find it long.
     
  19. uncle
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    uncle Registered Member

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    brother you have my support.but not the support on chasing him out..haha.
    i have a selfish father too.only care about himself and no body else
    on my knowledge my father had placed the stove god alter facing directly the toilet.
    this is very bad.apart from basic respect, stove god is fire,toilet is water.these 2 elements not in harmony..family will fight and argue non stop
     
  20. uncle
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    uncle Registered Member

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    first 40 sec chant nomo tasa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x3
     
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